Rabiya Mahomed-McGeoff: Talking Marriage and Family Therapy

Increased mental health awareness is leading to demand for therapists to serve couples and families. Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Lead Clinician, Rabiya Mahomed-McGeoff talks to SunHealth about being one of the most important confidants a person or family can have. What is a Marriage and family Therapist? A Marriage and Family Therapist is a mental health professional trained in psychotherapy and family system, and licensed to diagnose and treat mental and emotional disorders within the context of marriage, couple and family system. A Marriage and Family Therapist treats a wide range of serious clinical problems including adult schizophrenia, depression, marital problems, anxiety, individual psychological problems and child parent problems. How did you become a couple and family therapist? When I did my undergraduate studies in Psychology, one of my professors was a Marriage and Family Therapist. He introduced systems theories and they made sense to me. So I decided to pursue marriage and family therapy.I did my Bachelors in Psychology with a minor in Women Studies at University of Massachusetts. I did my Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy at Alliant International University in the US. After completing my Masters, I did clinical experience for two years, completing 3000 hours of direct client contact (which is a requirement in the State of California before one can seat for the licensing exams.) I sat for the two exams and passed. I got licensed as Marriage and Family Therapist in California, USA. What do you most enjoy about your work? Giving clients hope, a voice, walking them through transitions and seasons in their lives and seeing them gain insight on their issues. What is the most challenging thing about marriage and family counseling work? The most challenging thing is when I work with teenagers where parents don’t want to get involved. They just drop their children and expect me to fix their children. In most situations you find that parents are the ones with problems and are the ones who need therapy not the children. What is the biggest myth about therapy? That you only go to therapy when you have problems. That is not the case; therapy empowers and helps to facilitate personal growth in one’s life. For couples, therapy helps with tune in and awareness of issues before there is a problem. It strengthens the family and the marriage bond. And also the assumption that therapy is free. I still get amazed by my educated friends who get shocked that therapy is a paid profession. In general, what do specialists in this practice offer? We offer couples therapy, individual therapy, child therapy, and group therapy on different issues; grieve therapy, premarital counseling, divorce mediation and recovery. We consult for organisations on different issues including restructuring, retrenchment and workplace communication. How do you stay detached from your counselling work? Is it even possible? I have been practicing for more that 10 years now, throughout the years I have created some rituals that help me to transition from work to family life. I have learned to set clear boundaries. At the end of my work day I put my phone on a silent mode for 30 minutes. I write down things that I have accomplished on that day and one thing that I am thankful for. I do basic breathing exercises. When I close my office door that’s the end of work - when I get in the car I listen to music until I get home. What experiences are most useful for people becoming counsellors? You need to be passionate, enjoy working with people and be willing to learn from your clients. What seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in therapy? Not taking responsibility for the choices one has made over the years. Mental health problems seem to be skyrocketing in our society lately? What are the reasons for this and what can be done about it? I don’t think mental health issues are skyrocketing. Mental health issues have always been there. It is only that in our culture when we don’t understand something we find a way to label it. Mental health was often labeled as “botsenwa, mopakwane or boloi.” There was a stigma for a person suffering mental health problem and their family. Often times they were ridiculed and treated as outcasts and shame to their families. Now people are beginning to be open about mental illness and it seems like it is skyrocketing because of the increased awareness. We need to educate people more about mental health so that they can be aware and be sensitised on mental health issues. That is a step to destigmatising mental health and learning the importance of early intervention, which can make a difference in one’s life. If there is one thing you wished your clients or patients knew about treatment or mental illness, what would it be? Mental health is a real illness. It’s not a character defect and it is okay to live with mental illness. I have heard that after a couple has a child, which is notably one of the happiest times in anyone’s life that the satisfaction and overall happiness in the marriage can dramatically decrease. Is this true, and why is this? What can couples do to sustain their marital happiness after children? Having a child is a transitional time in a couple’s life. The reason why it feels like a couple’s happiness has decreased is that the couple did not prepare for the transitional period and therefore they don’t know how to behave, or support each other with the introduction of this new person in their lives. It is important for the couple to prepare for this period. This is another time in a couple’s life where couple’s therapy is necessary to help process and explore different ways of preparing for the anticipated additional member of the family. The challenging thing in this transitional stage is that one partner takes a back seat while the other one is the driver of all things baby. It is a normal transitional challenge and with preparation and awareness it can be handled better to ensure that the fire keeps burning. What do you do to personally cope with stress in your life? I pray, read, exercise, spend time with the people I love, balance family life and work life. If you had your schooling and career choice to do all over again, would you choose the same professional path? If not, what would you do differently and why? I will do it all over again. I feel honoured and humbled when people come to my office and choose to trust me with their inner fears. It often gives me joy to see them walking away with a smile. As a therapist I make a difference in people’s lives. What is the best advice you can offer to readers on leading a meaningful life? Be true to who you are as a person.